choices

from the moment i made the choice to fall in love, i set into motion the unraveling of my life as i knew it. each step i made was out of the intention to get me closer to my dreams, to create my life more beautifully, to fulfill my needs and desires, to live in passion. i truly did the best i could with what i had and what i knew. despite the best intentions it wasn't guaranteed to be the right equation. if i had any idea how difficult it was going to be; the high stake costs, the pain, the disappointment, the loss; i'm sure i would have made other choices. but i would have passed up on the lessons, the growth, the love, the opportunity to reinvent my life the way i have always wanted it to be. it's so cliche but true, life never ends up the way we plan it to be. i'm at peace that at the end of the day this is all a result of my choices, big or small. i've been so close to manifesting my dreams, i've touched them, i've literally held one in my arms. i still remain hopeful. now i must learn to accept what is, what is real, what is not, what i really want and what i actually need. i long to trust. i need to trust in the things that i love. to trust love itself. that is the choice right now that i have to make. fear is part of the process but it does not consume me. hope and seeing everything within reach keeps me breathing another day. i am strong enough.

"What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward the dream. That's the point at which most people give up. It's the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.' Every search begins with beginner's luck. and every search ends with the victors being severely tested." from The Alchemist