learning how to say no
it should be easy, i've heard it enough, a mantra ringing in my ears.
perhaps that is why i resist it so much
she says i'm persistant and pushing
i feel consistent and reaching. a path i know too well.
so a steady no means getting off the path, rejecting the old rut.
but the words still resonant, "i choose to not love you".
will i hear this in every no? do i hear it in myself? is there anyway this will cease to hurt?
change is unknown and perhaps this is the discontent i feel, i'm treading in new waters.
or maybe i've found myself in the same waiting pool, creating the same fate.
speaking of fate, i don't really believe in it. i don't believe a divine hand will fix this or bring me closer.
i wish i could, it would be easier to just let go. but instead i must put faith in myself and in chance, two things i'm lacking trust in. that's my no.
no to distrust, yes to what i control, which in the end is only me.